Reason

I sometimes feel like Im a reason.. reason in peoples life. Like Im there, so they can have a reason to be upset, and annoyed, angry, frustrated.. a reason to blame, a reason to leave.. one to dissapear.. a reason to cry and to feel bad.. a reason to balance their good with their bad.. a reason to hate life and let the reason be me ..

If thats not what happens, then people usualy look at me and think, "oh, isnt she pritty. lets take her. She'd make a nice puppet. someone to tell what to do and what to say, and she's sensative anyway, so emotinal, we'll play with her good!"

and if thats not it, then, I clearly have a mental illness.. so you can call someone and ask them to help me, and I wont deny it!

Mrs. Misses!

When i was up in Sydney.. My mum missed me! lol if anyone knows me and my.. family history well, they'll find it funny too.. because i'm still not sure if its me she missed, or our fights!

Yeah, we had.. a few.. and Its amazing, because everytime i called her she just seemed so bored.. so.. out of it. Like there's nothing to do here in Adelaide anymore now that Im gone and she cant fight with anyone.

I think i felt a little simillar when she was in India, but then, there was the freedom.. so, Miss the fights more, or like the i-can-go-anywhere-anytime' more? Hmm.. tough choice! Obviously, i missed her too when she was gone but then there's the same question.. Miss mom more or.. like the freedom more..? lol god, do i really have to stress myself picking one? :p

but it really made me laugh, the fact that people miss such things about each other. Cause i hate them when theyr happening.. Id rather live in love than hatred! but when we're not in the same town and im sitting at home after a few weeks thinking.. why isnt anyone telling me off? so i can have an argument with them!(but, i didnt get to be in that situation much either.. i had my granmum heh.. trust me, she made sure i didnt miss my daily dose of fights !..) is that weird? that i did miss the fights? a little yes.. but everyones different. thats why we're all endividuals. we're all unique and different but.. that doesnt make everyone special. No way is 'everyone' special. Only few people are =)

so now that Im back, we had a few more of the.. missable fights. Not the ones that leave u a scar forever because they hurt.. but the one that piss you off to an extent where you just wanna pull your own hair out and bang the dog's head on the wall (for barking non stop) i wouldnt do that by the way!! i love dogs! But i did feel like banging a head on the wall may that even be my own! so yeah, the only difference is.. now i dont say shit back.. SOMETIMES. lol i just kinda see when its really really annoying her and i back off, because i've noticed that she's been doing the same. There are alot of things i do that she doesnt like, but she just doesnt say much anymore because i guess she knows it wont do anything but make us fight, so i try.. TRY and do the same.. i havnt made much progress yet, but maybe i will soon! Im counting on it this time.

I guess i just cant get over the fact that we missed our fights! then again i.. guess when you really really love someone.. and theyr not around anymore atall.. to have them back you wouldnt mind what price you had to pay, even if that meant.. untolerable fights.. if you know what i mean.. but we dont always realise what we have till we've taken forgranted of the person and then in the end we realise we lost everything we wanted.. and wasted all the time fighting when you could have been building something up because you both love each other just as much... and then you just.. lose them.. and you dont know if they'll ever come back..

i want to learn you as a subject!

okay, so this morning, at about.. 8.30 am on the airport, I decided i want to become a Psychologist! you may wonder, why I decided that on my way back from Sydney, waiting on the new Adelaide airport, after one of the worst flights, Virgin Blue.. why did I deciede I wanna be a Psychologist? apart from the fact that I'm doing Psychology as a subject! Well you see, while waiting for my mom to pick us up, who was 45 minutes late, i sat down and just looked around, and ended up noticing a guy, sitting right opposite me, and god.. did he catch my attention!

I just stared at him for a few minutes, he was very dressed up. In a coat and tie and all that crap, with a slim laptop in his lap that he was working on, while talking to someone on the phone, not just talking, he seemed very serious. I found him so interesting at that stage.. i just, wanted to look at him for hours for some reason. And no he wasnt good looking. tall and stuff, just not my type. So i kept looking at him, he didnt look up once to see me. not once. which is awesome..

then.. he took his right leg, and folded it over the left one and he.. well its hard to explain. He sort of just started swaying them around in the air, his feet, he was flying them twisting and turning it in thin air! Like he was a fish in the sea, enjoying the breezy water on his body. the wish being the shoe ofcourse. I just started at him.. nothing else. and this time, it was a 'what..the..fuck..' stare.

I wanted to walk up to him and slap his feet and scream 'stop bloody moving it like ur gay!' not that theres anything wrong with being gay.. not atall but he.. he was weird. why would you sway it around like it was dancing its emotions off on an empty dance floor and then jiggle it around a few times before u twirl it in circels and then tap the left one on the floor?Why would someone do that?

Economy Class;

so ... that was very emberassing i must say! we got to the airport, 4 minutes before the plane had to take off.. ha ha funny ha.. well thats us for you! always late.. its like 'our thing'.. anyway, so i ran inside to go to the check in counter and i just ran into the 1st line i saw, around about.. 5 minutes later, almost half way through, i looked back at my mom who was standing at the end, looking at me and i just looked around me and.. felt.. very out of place.(being dressed in a red mini dress, a light creamy colour jacket with creamy colour high pencil heals and.. well alot of red assesories!) so yeah, i felt very out of place!! i asked my mum to look around me.. and she just smilled .. it was the 'haha, i dont believe this' smile.. EVERYONE was in suits and shirts and ties with expensive suitcases and shiny shoes and so quiet and.. decent lol and obviously, all giving me 'the eye.' so i looked at the other line, with alot of .. well people who looked like me.. and i just had to say excuse me and go past all those people and go through to the line, to the economy class.. looking back at it, sure, its stupid and funny.. back then, i was quite emberassed. not because i was travelling economy.. nah i like economy..gives me a chance to mingle with people around me lol but.. you know what i mean??

Why Kill dogs?!

oh my god. whats everyones problem?? alright so i dont know the 'whole' story.. but this is what i know. i heard about it from a 3rd person.. when i was at the busstop today.


apperantly they killed 3 American Bulldogs..(so alright, American.. i know, i have a massive thing against them but.. bulldogs..dogs..oowww..) because the 3 dogs attacted their owner and chewed off his ears and stuff, he is in the hospital right now, and from now onwards, they will kill every dog that bites humans etc.. im sorry, incase people forgot, they are ANIMALS! they do bite! humans kill humans.. humans kill animals.. and if we could, we would kill aliens too! so whats the big issue if a dog tries to bite someone?! i can understand wanting to band them.. but.. kill them? and anyway, who knows the reason? how do we know the owner wasnt a bloody dick and was treating them wrong.. or wasnt feeding them.. i dont know!! i just hate the idea of.. killing dogs! little tiny miny itzy bitzy cute little... human eating animals..

P.S. and they have officially banned Pitbull Terriories breed from NSW. what the hell is it with NSW and dogs?! theyv couropted my dad too! who says "dogs shouldnt even be kept as pets.. their dangerous.." ummmm... riiigghhtttttt...

Heres a question for all of you's though!

Q: do you think animals are gay? i mean, can they be? really, think about it.. if humans can have.. feelings for the same sex, then why cant animals? (i admit. humans can go further then anything else.) but think about it, and let me know.. leave an openion. and please, this is SO not for people like 'i-think-this-so-no-one-dare-against-it'.. i just want .. openions =)

Sydney

so I thought i'd make these holidays a 'little' interesting and go to Sydney, seeing Adelaide doesnt get any more boring. Swear, if we had a Cobolo Centre, even then this place would be boring as! Whats a Cobolo Centre? Well I really dont know. Whatever it is, I know it wont help. I went to Glenelg yesterday to meet someone, spent over 2 hours getting there, thought we'd see a movie, and there were none good ones. Then we walked around the place for, oh, an Hour! and figured it was too boring so we droped the plan. I mean, What?! Is adelaide suddenly a 'People who are rich and Party everyday' or 'Over 18s' town now? (by the way.. when i was at the beach, i came across THE most annoying/weird and interesting people ever.. but i'll tell you that in another blog sometime.. its quite interesting!)

Back to the subject, Im going to Sydney for a week and I have nothing to do, finally going to a not-so-boring place but what do you do anywhere when you dont know anyone?! and i havnt really packed either... I leave tomorrow morning... Oh I'm bored.

Why have kids?

I dont get it. Why have kids?! And Im not saying dont have any... what i mean is why have ones that take 9 months to come out and come with awful pain! See its not that i hate kids, sure... they are annoying pieces of shit but... they are adorable and i'd like them too someday... someone asked me a few days ago "Do you want to have kids? If so what would you name them?" and I was like, "i dont know... its not like im having them on my own so it wont be my decision what to name them. As for having kids, i really would appriciate it if I was given the choice to have them or not."

Because i dont really want a life coming out of me. Its 'beautiful' and everything sure whatever you wanna call it, but jeez it fukin hurts. I dont want that kind of pain. Then theres the other fact... i mean, there are SO many children in this world who dont have a family, so many abandoned kids that need parents and people that can take care of them... and the least we could all do is adopt a child, its doing a big good deed on its own. Its not too different then giving life you know, you still are giving life, to someone whome it would mean more.. then someone who you take awful pain for and then they grow up to give you shit!

So i really think adopting a child is just like bringing a life into this world. It just seems pointless having children whent there are so many that dont have a home. Just because you can do it for free and the goverment doesnt charge you to have sex without protection, doesnt mean you have to!

Angels are like Councellors

i love this drawing (i drew it, deh) she's a sad angel.. but she looks really beautiful.. (no, not because she's not wearing anything Michael) I hate it how some people picture angels as always happy... cause theyr not. Sometimes theyr like councellors. A guy i know called Jake, said to me last month "Councellors have answers to everything. theyr life must be so much easier." Which is alsalute bulshit. They only help you through problems and most of us dont practise what we preach. I think councellors are one of the most depressed people because they have to sit there everyday and listen to everyones issues and what people go through, that must be so bloody tough. How can they be happy go lucky? They've heard some of the most painful life stories. I knew a lady who was a councellor, and she commite suicide.. anyway about angels, they help us through (even if theyr just our imaginiation... ) and they're there to look after us and they see some of the most horrible things in the world, their meant to be innocent and caring, so seeing this world of humans, i dont blame them for being sad.. and i just wanted to say they can be sad too, i dont see a reason why not. Maybe thats why it's said "knowing nothing is sometimes better then knowing atall" also, almost, a line in a song from The Used :-)
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