A piece of my Mind

"If you were about to die and you only had another day, who would you call and what would you say?
... so why are you waiting?"

No, for all those idiots out there, this does not mean your about to die... it just.. it's trying to tell you, that if thats the person you'd call and that is what you would say to them, then death or no death - why havnt you done it yet?

I thought alot about this quote.. and, well if i was going to die soon, id call them 1st because i want to tell them so many things about how i feel and what they mean to me - but maybe i dont want any sort of relationship with them because of how i feel, maybe i just want to talk to them... and let them know they mean the world. is it really so important to be with the person you love?

what if you dont get along or if you dont understand each other. hasnt anyone heard the song 'I hate everything about you'... why do I still love you..
sure, thats exegrating.. not everything and not hate, but yes, alot of differences. maybe you just find yourself always in tears when your with them, but you still love them. take my mom for example - I love her so much.. but she always takes me forgranted and never cares about my feelings... and i dont want to tell her how much she means, because i dont want that relationship. I know she loves me, and i love her - but we have different ways of showing it. which happen to be compleatly opposite...

same with... them.. i love them.. but it just isnt going to be. Which also brings me to the point - HOW can a person possibly go around saying the things they said to the girl they loveD, to every other friend (girl) they know? Isnt that... a bit.. wrong?

All through out today, I just couldnt stop thinking. 1st about Abe.. I sort of just think about him as soon as i wake up in the morning.. its like, oh.. another day ha.. how come i'm still here.. and he isnt.. why do we see tomorrow and he doesnt.. i cant stop myself from thinking about it almost all the time... and like that wasnt enough, i still havnt called AK, to see how he's doing.. maybe i should, but with how i feel, I dont think i can console a person right now.. and he's crazy if he wants to hear from me.. and.. yeah, hey, the cherry on the cake - I cant stop thinking about him. I know its over, i know i said it. and i mean it too, and i know this will take so long.. but I dont know how to distract my mind. how many movies can i damn well watch.. I cant keep doing this. Because when i go to sleep at night, its there, the thought - again. Obviously it doesnt mean I've changed my mind because I cant be with someone who hurts me, and not only but doesnt even realise their doing it - even after me pointing it out a thousand times. saying sorry, and feeling sorry are two different things...

so i guess i just dont know what to do, Im lost. and this hurts. How could this week get any... where.. its been such.. such a tough week.. argh.. I want to get away from anyone and everyone for a long... long time. I want to leave, go to a place where there isnt another human to be seen..