"I want it" fullstop...or is it?

Its been so long since I wrote... so many things have happened but I've just stopped writting about them.. even good new's! I dont even talk about those or my thoughts.. Just havnt wanted to write for so long.. everytime im in a mood something happens.. everytime I feel like this will be fun to write about..suddenly something goes wrong.. usualy, something bad goes wrong.. today, something good went wrong.. if you know what I mean! But I need to write.. and personaly, Id rather people didnt read this one.. but I cant write and not show it - Its such a Tina thing to do... when I write something, I write it for a reason - because I want people to read it - even people that I dont want knowing it.. anyway,

Even though I know most of us have felt this... I'll ask anyway, because asking is always the easier way to start off talking about it isnt it? I think so.. so, have you ever wanted something alot but not sure if its right? Think of it this way, when you have a bad throat, some say you should eat ice cream... some say you shouldnt.. now either you could end up feeling fine after it - or it could just get worst... and, even tho you really want to have ice cream and try it... you dont want to risk not having ice cream for a really long time because you might fall really sick after it..

Hmm. why do i feel like iv made everyone feel like ice cream now? I bet your thinking of the ice cream part and are compleatly off the real point... its not about an ice cream or a chocolate or a thing.. its about wanting something.. it could be a person, a thing, a relationship, something materialistic.. something good something bad.. just wants.. and dont you just wish it would end there... 'i want this'... and thats it, you wouldnt have to think further.. but unfortunately you do.. you have to wonder what the out come of it would be.. what could go wrong.. you might end up loosing something you really were enjoying or something you love by not giving it a thought before you act... so many complications.. so many that you just want to block it all out and ignore the thought.

Its happening here.. lets just say... I dont want to have an ice cream because I dont want to risk falling so sick that I might not be able to have it for a long time... and as everyone knows, me and self control are such a no-no. I always.. always do what I shouldnt... this time, Im trying my best. I dont want to ... do anything wrong.. and I dont want to lose something good just because I'm too immature.. and neither do I want to get hurt... atall.. I just dont want to be hurt all over again.. because at some point you just need a break and you dont want the same person or another person or a friend a relative or a stranger.. you dont want to get too close to anyone.. and u dont want to risk getting hurt.. and there is always the fact that you just cant always have what you want.. you've got to think of what might happen.. and do you really want to risk everything else around for something...? God, I wish I could stop thinking for just one day!

I know some of you will be like.. "so do i".. but no, I really do think too much.. and anyone who knows me well or has read my blog entries will realise that!

But I had to write about that... I just felt so confused and I dont want anything to change at all.. and yet I do.. Iv been told that I should leave it the way it is.. because it is fine right now..its the way it should be and its the right way to be and if i try and change that it would not help anyone... and at the same time I KNOW no one wants things to change for worst and I know its just a stupid thing to think of... hence I will shut up and stop writting about it for now, and... and do something else! Not so sure what.. whatever comes 1st.. I also know everyone who reads this will think something compleatly else of it... except for maybe one person who might just know..

But I think its time for tina to stop writting so tina can go do something different before she is driven insane! And its the last thing I want to do after having the most amazing walk ever.. Iv never been on such a..comfortable funny nice 'secreative' scary fun unsure walk ever! Its like when everything is perfect. the company the place the timing and... well, sort of the weather too.. so yes, No more about that.. or this..

Tina